Going into Marriage with Eyes Wide Open

Questions to ask yourself BEFORE choosing your life companion. These questions are a compilation of the counsels found in 'The Adventist Home', regarding choosing a spouse. Please bear in mind that these questions are placed in the present tense. This is because, in order for you to know how the future with this person would be, you need to look at the 'here' and 'now'; and not be airy fairy that this person can change. Yes, people can change, but we don't know that future; all we have been given is 'now'; so we are to work with what we have. It is always the case that when marriages turn bitter and fall apart, either one or both spouses, later on recall the many different signs and warnings that they witnessed prior to getting married, but ignored. There is some truth in the old proverb: 'Start as you mean to go on'. So in determining your future happiness with the prospective spouse, look at the evidences that you have right before your eyes. In other words: DO NOT ENTER MARRIAGE BLINDLY!!!
QUESTIONS FOR HER TO ASK

1. What has been his past record?

2. Is his life pure?

3. Is his love noble and above the earthly kind of love? In other words, a love that works off of principle and not emotions.

4.Will his traits of character make me happy?

5. Will he allow me to have my individuality?

6. Will he allow me to put Jesus' claims first, before what he thinks that I should do?

7. Will my body preserved pure and holy, or will the laws concerning my physical state be abused?

8. Will my soul be preserved pure and holy, or will my spiritual state be abused?

9. Will my thoughts be preserved pure and holy, or will my mental state be abused?

10. What is his mother's character like?

11. Does he recognise his obligations to her?

12. Is he mindful of her wishes and happiness? Remember, if he is neglectful of his mother's needs, do not fool yourself that you will fair any better.

13. When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love me still?

14. Will he be patient with my mistakes?

15. Has he pure, manly traits of character?

16. Is he diligent?

17. Is he aspiring?

18. Is he honest?

19. Does he love and fear God?

20. Is he irreverent?

21. Does he love idleness?

22. Is he a scoffer of hallowed things?

23. Does he use profane language?

24. Does he drink alcohol?

25. Does he realise his responsibility to God?

QUESTIONS FOR HIM TO ASK

1. Will she stand by my side?

2. Does she know how to bear her share of life's burdens?

3. Does her influence ennoble and refine me?

4. Will she make me happy?

5. Is she trustworthy?

6. Does she speak that which is wise?

7. Do her words bear the fruit of kindness?

8. Does she take into her mind that which is idle?

9. Is she an economist? One reason why this is important is because Inspiration says that you, as the man are to be the head, the PROVIDER for your wife and children. Therefore she should know how to handle the money, as a wise steward, and not just squander it as soon as it is placed into her possession. This also calls to mind another question:

10. Does she have expensive taste in dress, furniture, food etcetera? If this is so, you will end up having to work two or three jobs just to keep up with her!

11. Does she even have money now? Some women may have a small income because they may be students, or a single parent. You have to judge the situation based on the sister's circumstance; but when she has no responsibilities, and she is still broke....then you need to ask yourself why??

12. Will she be a hard worker and patient too if your parents need both of you to take care of them? Will your parents feel that they have gained a daughter, or will they feel that they have lost a son, because she is reluctant to give of herself, and of her husband to help them?

13. Does she have a thorough knowledge of household duties?

-Making tasty, wholesome bread

- Fashion neatly fitting garments

- Cook wholesome food

- Be competent enough to set up her own business



QUESTIONS FOR HIM AND HER TO ASK

1. What will be the character of the home you are going to establish together?

2. What will be he influence of the home you are going to establish together?

3. Will this union help me Heavenward?

4. Will this union increase my love for God?

5. Will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life?

6. Will my offspring possess physical, mental and spiritual health?

7. Is there a great disparity in age? (More than ten years older)

'Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING. In ALL THY WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM and He shall direct thy paths. Be NOT WISE IN THINE OWN EYES....'

{Proverbs 3:5-7}