When I Fall in Love...

When I was a child, I used to love hearing the famous song by Nat King Cole, entitled, 'When I Fall in Love'. That would be one of my favourite songs to perform. Little did I know how much of an impact songs such as that, and countless others would have upon my idea of the love experience, while I was growing up.

How many songs, movies, and testimonies we have heard throughout the years of our lives of the joys and also the heartaches of 'falling in love'? This term has been given such scope, that even among Christian communities, many have bought into this idea that one day you will just bump into this man/woman, and BOOM, all of a sudden you fall madly in love, and you just don't know how that happened. As if Cupid shot you in the butt, and now you've fallen for him/her, and it just happened. This is the idea of being in love, and unfortunately the divorce rates, and the multitude of heartbreaks and shattered homes leaving shattered children, testify that we have bought into this lie of the devil. That is what it is, people, a lie.

If only we understood the dynamics of how love happens, then we would be more cautious in our interactions with the opposite sex. I look back at my youth, and remember the songs I would write that would be in line with this slush puppy sentamentalism we call 'love', which I would hear from those in the music industry. Yes, these were mediums to educate, or shall I say medicate my mind in believing 'That's the Way Love Goes'. What was the result: Wasted years of toxic relationships, whether friendship or a romantic relationship, which in turn brought damage to my heart and life, that only the Lord through His miraculous mighty power delivered me from.

Friends, love is not something we just fall into. As Pastor Asscherick asked, why is it that we connect 'falling' with something negative, but when it comes to love, we speak of it in a positive manner. If I told you that I fell sick, or I fell down, would you pet me and say, "Awww...I'm sorry to hear that; I hope you get better", or "Be careful now"? However, if I was to tell you that I fell in love with someone, we often get the response, "Woooo...isn't that sweet?? Tell me more, for I am excited to hear!" No, people, we have got it backwards. Our reponse should be the same as if someone fell down, or got sick, lovesick: "I hope you get better", "Be careful now". In fact, when we fall sick, there is a cause; and we know prevention is better than cure. So it is with falling in love: there is always a cause. In this note, I would like for us to examine the dynamics of how love happens, so that we don't end up falling, but making a conscious, intelligent decision to grow in love wth that special somebody. Trust, the information here will cut short a thousand evils, and a heartaches.

So, who wants to never make the same mistake they made in the past in the area of being with the wrong one? Who wants to love again freely, without fear that this brother may not be 'the one'?

How does love happen?

This is simple mathematics, which someone shared with me, that was so common sense, but yet so uncommon to my understanding. To illustrate this I will use an imaginary brother, whom I'll call Jo, and a sister, who I'll call Janice.

Jo and Janice are two young, single Christian people. They are platonic friends at Church. Then one day, Jo and Janice's communications move outside of the church to on the phone. They have no desire for each other, but to simply be friends, because they just so happen to share similar interests. In their conversations, after a long period of time, Jo begins to feel more comfortable in Janice's presence, and he starts opening up about his past, his hurts, his desires, and things which are deep and private. In turn, this gives the green light, in Janice's mind to do likewise.

What do you think could possibly happen?

Before they know it, an emotional attachment is being formed, and they find themselves drawn to each other in ways that they never planned or expected. Now, at least in the mind of one, the question will be aroused, "Could this be the one?" By that time, they invested so much emotionally, that these feelings will blind the answer to the question. Now they have found themselves falling in love with each other. It is simple: you place a woman on a brother's lap, there is going to be a reaction. So it would be wise to avoid that position, and give no place to the devil. It is the same with falling in love: you place a brother and a sister in the similar scenario that I painted, and there will be a reaction; and that reaction is often, falling in love.

Sisters, we need to understand, and I need to keep reminding myself of this truth that, MY HEART IS NOT MY OWN; MY MIND IS NOT MY OWN; BUT GOD'S ROYAL THRONE. We must allow GOD to sanction who we do and do not place our affections on. Many are 'mated and not matched', and as a result, marriage has become a deadly trap! Why? Because they didn't guard the heart; they didn't guard their words to the other.

We read the following quotes from the pen of Inspiration, and can be tempted to think that this is too strait laced and extreme. I mean, "I know me, I know I don't like that brother, so I'm not going to take it that far." Know ye not that, 'The heart [is] deceitful above all [things], and desperately wicked: who can know it?' {Jeremiah 17:9}. God loves us and has placed the counsels in these writings so that we can be spared the disaster of broken relationships:

'The liberties taken in this age of corruption should be no criterion for Christ's followers. These fashionable exhibitions of familiarity should not exist among Christians fitting for immortality... How important that by their chastity and virtue they stand in marked contrast to that class who are controlled by brute passions! {AH 329.2}

In view of the dangers of this time, shall not we, as God's commandment-keeping people, put away from among us all sin, all iniquity, all perverseness? Shall not the women professing the truth keep strict guard over themselves, lest the least encouragement be given to unwarrantable familiarity? They may close many a door of temptation if they will observe at all times strict reserve and propriety of deportment. {AH 331.2}

Thoughts are awakened that would not have been if woman had kept her place in all modesty and sobriety. She may have had no unlawful purpose or motive herself, but she has given encouragement to men who are tempted, and who need all the help they can get from those associated with them. By being circumspect, reserved, taking no liberties, receiving no unwarrantable attentions, but preserving a high moral tone and becoming dignity, much evil might be avoided. {AH 331.3}

I have long been designing to speak to my sisters and tell them that, from what the Lord has been pleased to show me from time to time, there is a great fault among them. They are not careful to abstain from all appearance of evil. They are not all circumspect in their deportment, as becometh women professing godliness. Their words are not as select and well chosen as those of women who have received the grace of God should be. They are too familiar with their brethren. They linger around them, incline toward them, and seem to choose their society. They are highly gratified with their attention. {AH 332.1}

I have to pause here and say this: I was and can be very much like the women described in the last paragraph. This shot me like an arrow to my heart, because I have many brothers, and out of my brothers and sisters, growing up, I would prefer my brothers' company. There is nothing wrong with that, because they are my blood brothers. However, the problem arises, when we take that same familairity with those who are out of the circle of our family. I am one of those sisters who used to say, "Well, I get along better with men." I have heard this from many sisters too. We need to re-educate our social skills in the line of interacting with sisters, and cut that habit of being familar with brothers, or it can lead to much trouble. This is God's beautiful standard for us, not because He wants to restrict our happiness, but because He is a God of pleasure, joy, and love! In His 'presence is fullness of joy.' Take this as Father looking out for you, because that's really what He is doing, as well as looking out for the brothers.

'Both brethren and sisters indulge in too much jovial talk when in each other's society. Women professing godliness indulge in much jesting, joking, and laughing. This is unbecoming and grieves the Spirit of God. These exhibitions reveal a lack of true Christian refinement. They do not strengthen the soul in God, but bring great darkness; they drive away the pure, refined, heavenly angels and bring those who engage in these wrongs down to a low level. {AH 332.2}

Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it [are] the issues of life.

'A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him. {PH048, 1898}

'True love has an intellectual basis, a deep, thorough knowledge of the object loved. But this catching up with objects and bestowing on them the thoughts and affections, is without reason, without judgment, and is excessive, temporary, and sensual. {TSB 21.2}

Let's NOT fall in love but choose to grow in love.